Hello! :3

[NightshadeTea]

Then you don't care about looks as because you're with the person that makes you happy.

Agreed 100% I don't understand people who put appearance as an absolute must for a relationship. (One of the reasons I hate Twilight) It's such a shallow requirement. How can somebody expect any substance from a relationship when looks are the only thing that are striven for?

I have been told many times that I am quite attractive and I've been dating a fellow who is not so. He's always doing this jealousy thing because "[He's] not much of a catch and have so many options." I cannot express how much this angers me. If I cared about looks to begin with, why would I have even bothered? >> And I have options because I'm good-looking? Yeah, the majority of them being people who care only for appearance. What a great set of options. >>

Deadwolf, those guys are douchebags and I wish you well. Sorry your lady is treating you that way. Sounds like she either doesn't know what she wants or is taking you for granted. She knows you'll always be there, so she can go where ever she likes with little to no repercussions. I have a friend who's going through a situation very similar. The sad part is you can't apply logic to love. It would make things so much simpler and make for so much less heartache, but sadly it's not possible. >>

I'm not an expert on relationships, but here's some advice from me: keep a good attitude about it. If you anticipate it too much, you might come off as always on edge, which she might pick up on and make her anxious as well. At the same time, he always pulling this cycle might be her afraid of commitment. Yes. I said it. Females can be afraid of commitment, too. Expecting too much of her might feed that fear and drive her away again. Communicate, but don't interrogate. Being friends in a relationship is just as important, if not more so, as being lovers. How to go about this? I couldn't tell you. Everyone is different, everyone has their own history and way of dealing with their environment.

[Delvar]

Ooooh, I've loved reading this topic!

I'm really glad that you all seem to share my views also! Looks really are insignificant in a meaningful relationship, I think. If you truly love someone for who they are, then the ugliest person according to society will become the most fascinating and amazing being in the world to you. A lot of the selfish, nasty and bitter people in the world are people that we commonly see as ugly, too, even someone with the most unfortunate of features can shine if they are happy and have a good, open heart.

The people who go out after one night stands and looks are missing out on a massive part of the connection of being with another person, and I pity them somewhat. Finding someone you truly love despite their flaws physically and emotionally is a very breathtaking and rare thing...

I'd say more, but it's something that sort of swishes around in my mind without any organization behind it :p

Also Nightshade, it's your eyes. They're beautiful

[DeadWolf]

I'm not an expert on relationships, but here's some advice from me: keep a good attitude about it. If you anticipate it too much, you might come off as always on edge, which she might pick up on and make her anxious as well. At the same time, he always pulling this cycle might be her afraid of commitment. Yes. I said it. Females can be afraid of commitment, too. Expecting too much of her might feed that fear and drive her away again. Communicate, but don't interrogate. Being friends in a relationship is just as important, if not more so, as being lovers. How to go about this? I couldn't tell you. Everyone is different, everyone has their own history and way of dealing with their environment.

She said she wasn't ready to commit. I'm trying my best to be open and receptive but I'm also letting her make the decisions on what's next. I'm moving on to a serious relationship only if she is ready for it. She seems serious this time but it's like she's waiting for a confirmation to actually say "Hey Let's be serious" and commit.

I guess I just have to wait and be ready for anything.

[Abdul_Moti]

That is a very good start.

[DeadWolf]

That is a very good start.

I need to stop wasting my time with her. Yes it's a good start but I'm through with her. She's still pulling the same stunts. Good thing I went in with zero expectations. The only reason she comes back to me is because I'm dumb enough to let her. She always does it after a breakup with a boyfriend and I really should have seen it coming. If
I hadn't have stuck with my gut and not be cautious I would be an emotional wreck right now. I guess it's time to leap out of the pond and explore the ocean. I love her but I can't be with her and I have come to accept that.

[Abdul_Moti]

What I meant is your readiness, comrade DeadWolf. Not everyone has this. Many examples around us have shown how people suffers greatly because they have less readiness.

Whatever the result of your relationship, I would say you have done very well. I'm not sure I will have that readiness in the future, but one should "brace and embrace" it.

edit: changed 'was mean' with 'meant'. I still caught by my own foolishness.

[DeadWolf]

What I meant is your readiness, comrade DeadWolf. Not everyone has this. Many examples around us have shown how people suffers greatly because they have less readiness.

Whatever the result of your relationship, I would say you have done very well. I'm not sure I will have that readiness in the future, but one should "brace and embrace" it.

edit: changed 'was mean' with 'meant'. I still caught by my own foolishness.

That's just what I needed to hear. You are awesome man! Don't ever change.

[manaman]

Yeah DeadWolf, Mr Moti is awesome! You hear that? Bless you!

[Tekka]

That's unfortunate, but you made the right choice. Anyone with that kind of selfish attitude is not deserving of someone like you.

[Delvar]

That's unfortunate, but you made the right choice. Anyone with that kind of selfish attitude is not deserving of someone like you.

I agree. I'd love a guy as considerate as you, DeadWolf. I'm sure you'll find someone who'll appreciate that.

[manaman]

Hey all,

Sorry for being late to the discussion. I really wanted to give DeadWolf's story the time to read it carefully.

A tall Carly? Then you must NOT be half-elven? D: What a shame...

Short elves are only in the stories, people. REAL elves are tall! Sorry, that's just some Tolkien nerd-dom coming out.

But people are more worried about our age difference. And that makes this Zable sad. D'8;;

>> What is your opinion? Is a 5-year gap a big deal or not?

Clearly you need to take more of Secret of Mana to heart. Remember the kids on the island? Adults just don't get it. Age doesn't matter when there is love.

(Okay, so, DeadWolf is right, though, it depends on when the relationship is started since developmentally, it's far easier to recognize when love is present and have a healthy relationship later in your life than as an adolescent.)

I'm glad to know I'm not alone on this. Most of my friends are Venusian Artist and they pick up women for the pure game of it. Of course they think I'm the weird one because I want something as meaningless as a relationship

Hey, I'm with you on thinking relationships are meaningful. I only ever dated two girls before I met my soul-mate. Both of the other relationships I look back on as giving me good insight into the relationship my wife and I have. I learned to appreciate her in all ways and look past her faults because I have them too and, at the end of the day, there is something special with her that is beyond all the nitpicky things and is REAL. She is irreplaceable.

Agreed 100% I don't understand people who put appearance as an absolute must for a relationship.

In my experience, you tend to be attracted physically to the person that you're attracted to the most in your heart once you meet them so you're right--see who you're attracted to in the heart before being superficial.

I'm not an expert on relationships, but here's some advice from me: . . . Communicate, but don't interrogate. Being friends in a relationship is just as important, if not more so, as being lovers. How to go about this? I couldn't tell you. Everyone is different, everyone has their own history and way of dealing with their environment.

Communication is SO important. And being friends is a must. I think sometimes people who are meant to be together miss each other because one or both of them lack a strong foundation in either or both of these areas. At the end of the day, however, you can't take a chance (being someone or) being with someone who is emotionally unready or lacks the maturity for a committed relationship. DeadWolf, maybe the love you feel is meant for this girl and she just needs to mature before that love can be reciprocated. Or, very possibly, that love is not really love of her, but what she represents--the person you end up with. I experienced that in my first girlfriend.

You made the right choice in my opinion, DeadWolf.

Peace,

manaman

[DeadWolf]

DeadWolf, maybe the love you feel is meant for this girl and she just needs to mature before that love can be reciprocated. Or, very possibly, that love is not really love of her, but what she represents--the person you end up with. I experienced that in my first girlfriend.

You made the right choice in my opinion, DeadWolf.

Peace,

manaman

I want to say the latter. It has been on and off between us for some time. She only comes to me long enough to get a real boyfriend. This last time she came to me long enough to patch things up with her ex and move back in. The thing is that the only way I know about this is because her sister was kind enough to let me know. She ignored my recent phone calls and has told me nothing. I guess she thinks the problem will solve itself.

Though, just my opinion, I think she hasn't matured yet. Her parents and her sister really think highly of me and would love to see her and I together. Her sister seems to think that she will never mature and hates to fact that I waste my time with her. Her sister seems to think I can find someone much better.

I hope this all make sense as I don't want to use names (I don't care if she reads this but posting her name is a dick move)

[manaman]

Hey,

Sometimes you just have to get this stuff out. Talking about it is important. Again, you've made the right move. Either way--she's just mature or you haven't met the person you're supposed to be with.

Peace,

manaman

EDIT: I meant IMmature!

[LunarWisp]

I'm very impressed by this community's kindheartedness. If some brought up a topic like this on any other forum I go to, that person would just be either ignored or teased. It's a very good twist to see that some internet communities can be serious and mature about topics like this. I oughta become more active on this site.

[Faalstar]

Actually, deep down, we're all snickering like school yard children.